I feel the need to purposely bang my head against a wall at the moment… so I figured I’d start to tackle this lovely book the Pearls have decided to offer as their contribution to pollution and the destruction of our environment.
In usual fashion, we’ll look at each concept from a couple different angles, as we work through the material.
Sadly, I must quote the source, which will help their interlinking popularity, so I must state here that what these people have published, while it may “work”, damages adults, damages families, and results in damage, fear ridden, scarred children. If you follow this group, I hope you’ll keep reading and see if maybe some of these thoughts don’t speak to your logic. S O U R C E – Gotta love it – the GOSPEL TRUTH according to a few totalitarian thumpers with their own interpretation of love.
The content of their book is in blue, my commentary is in green.
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This book is not about discipline, nor problem children.
Correct, this book, and their mindset is entirely about control and punishment. Yes, there is some logic, some intent to love, and some useful information, but what lies beneath it all is their fear of the loss of complete control, and control of the smallest in our society, no less.
The emphasis is on the training of a child before the need to discipline arises.
The need to discipline, by definition, is what “training” is. Guidance and discipline grows intelligence, self respect, and ability. These are the very things that thwart the need for punishment. And, by the way, the very concept of punishment is something that I will also begin addressing, in a category and section entitled Restorative Justice, as our society’s idea of punishment is something that also doesn’t make sense to me.
The Pearls, Ezzo’s, and others like them do not teach discipline, they teach punishment. If you don’t believe me, find a dictionary. Then find a bible – any religion you want – they all say the same thing: Guide, educate, discipline, and raise up a wise and compassionate person who can bring good to our world.
It is apparent that most parents never attempt to train a child to obey.
While there is some validity to the statement that many parents do not choose to commit the time, effort, and patience necessary to give their children an environment to thrive, instead of just survive. The bigger problem is an entire society of parents who will not set aside their own pride, for the sake of the good of the children they create.
They wait until the child becomes unbearable and then explode.
Reactionary punishment. This goes to the lazy parent, just deal with the kid as much as you have to, instead of really investing in them, all the time.
With proper training, discipline can be reduced to 5% of what many now practice.
Sadly, if we reduce discipline even further, there really will be nothing but a useless generation of idiots.
Ok, I give – discipline is to teach, to instruct, to guide, etc.. To punish is to punish. It is punitive and diminutive – that’s the point. It is to show disapproval by one for the presumed failure of another, by some set of standards determined by the person who holds control.
As you come to understand the difference between training and discipline, you will have a renewed vision for your family–no more raised voices, no contention, no bad attitudes, fewer spankings, a cheerful atmosphere in the home, and total obedience from your children.
AARRGHGHGH!! TRAINING IS DISCIPLINE. Punishment is what these people teach, that training they talk about is instant and unquestioning physical punishment. I will say, however, there is some validity in the parent knowing they can count on being able to routinely attend to their own need for physical release of anger or frustration, disapproval, or impatience, instead of having to put the energy into an alternative. And what better solution is there than to be able to wrap this behaviour in a nice little package that looks like the martyr Christian, with a lovely little “purist” bow on top.
Any parent with an emotional maturity level higher than the average thirteen-year-old can,
Ok, so this is just my opinion, but I think Mr. Pearl is impeccably well spoken about one topic – himself.
with a proper vision and knowledge of the technique, have happy obedient children.
Obedient yes. The mind is a powerful tool, intelligent like none other we know of. If you give it an option to decide which it prefers: to experience pain, rejection, and disapproval, or to spare itself from these at the cost of losing one’s option for independent thought, freedom of expression, individualism, and ultimately, a broken spirit, the brain will choose survival and no pain. The brain is simple in its complexity – it will choose the path of least resistance for the purpose of physical survival, with as little associated hardship as it can figure out how to provide.
This is not a theory; it is a practical reality which has been successfully applied many times over.
God help us… to our great detriment, he is right. So many have harmed the children, some intentionally, some unwittingly. But, I promise, if you can choose to see through the damage, in favor of the possible good – the guilt that sits in the pit of your stomach will subside because children are, if nothing else, unfortunately and out of innocence, forgiving to the point of their own demise. Though the Pearls will tell you that no child, not even a newborn, is innocent. The newborn is already plotting its first act of defiance. And I suppose, if you are of the opinion that another human being should have no individuality, should not define their own existence, and should blindly obey, then in essence this assessment is correct. From what science tells us, as well as the bible, we as humans are unique and individual from the moment of conception, with an instinct for intelligent survival and autonomy.
To accept that we are born with the need to be individual is at its core, in opposition to the totalitarianism that is the motive of the Pearls’ teachings. To deny that very same need and instinct of individuality, to say that it is wrong, is to also say that, we are fundamentally made with errors… Now, given the concept that God doesn’t make mistakes, and to say that God makes each and every one of us (how many bible verses can you find that are able to somehow be interpreted to say this), then how can we argue the fundamental, foundational aspects that are universal at birth and throughout a lifetime that drive survival and the continuance of life be in error?
We’re born sinners, selfish, self seeking.. self seeking little creatures whose first instinct, given they are not interfered with, is to find its mother’s breast. What!? Can’t that baby wait until we get the cord out of the way, figure out how much it weighs and its length, bathe it in water that burns, after wiping off its protective skin covering, and then force its eyes to adjust to bright lights, voices it doesn’t recognize, and a mother who’s been poked and prodded the entire time the baby descended into the outside world. Damn selfish little thing, it wants its mother’s breast immediately! Sin #1.
A couple, stressed out with the conflict of three young children, after spending the weekend with us and hearing some of these principles, changed their strategy. One week later, they exclaimed, “I can’t believe it; we went to a friend’s house, and when I told my children to do something, they immediately, without question, obeyed.”
That’s because you’ve stricken them with terror and they know now their home is no longer a place without abuse. Things might not have been smooth and perfect before, but after being spanked so rigorously as is the practice and instruction of these people, the children are likely in shock and their survival instinct has kicked in – of course they are obeying.. but it is temporary. Watch… And if it is permanent, you can add this bumper sticker to your van.
“Proud Parents of a Drone, Unwilling and Too WISE to Think for Himself”
These truths are not new, deep insights from the professional world of research, rather, the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules, the same technique God uses to train his children.
Mules are actually as intelligent as some humans, I concur.
God does not spank us.
God does not demand perfection.
God does not control our every move, thought, action.
AND GOD does not tell us what to think, directly. Now, don’t get me started on that last sentence…
They (the truths from the previous part of this paragraph) are profoundly simple and extremely obvious. After examining them with us, you will say, “I knew that all along. Where have I been? It’s so obvious.”
This sentence is well crafted to passively seat itself in your head so that instead of you simply choosing to agree with these people, after they fill you with guilt, you’ll actually think it was your own idea – to an extent, Mr. Pearl likes credit being given to him where due, and then some. This is the BEST way to infiltrate and cause a human to willingly allow you to brainwash them, so that you may then take control without opposition.
Don’t believe me? Look up common manipulation (they don’t call it this) techniques used by politicians, governments, and spiritual leaders. Don’t ask them about it, just read about what they’re taught, that they don’t want you to ever know.
What follows is indeed Chapter 1. I want to ask that you just read this and let it sit. I’ll follow up tomorrow and the next day, but I want to get you thinking about the content from the various different angles that are available. Primarily, attempt to align this content with a very simple concept that, if you haven’t already incorporated it into your life, you might give it some thought.
Ready for my profound statement of vision and intent!!
Here it is….
When interacting with, speaking about or to, and thinking of your child(ren), do so with the same level of respect, value, and acknowledgement you would an adult stranger, acquaintance, and/or loved one to whom your approval is freely given and of whom you seek approval in return.
CHAPTER 1
To Train Up a Child
SWITCH YOUR KIDS
When you tell some parents they need to switch their children, they respond, “I would if I could find someone willing to trade.” I have had children in my house that would be enough to give an electric wheat grinder a nervous breakdown. The parents look like escapees from a Second World War, Polish boxcar. Another hour with them, and I would have been searching the yellow-pages for discount vasectomies. While we try to sit and talk, the children are constantly running in and out of doors, complaining of ill treatment from the others, begging to go or stay or eat, or demanding a toy that the other children will not relinquish. The mother must continually jump up and rescue some breakable object. She says, “No” six-hundred and sixty-six times in the space of two hours. She spanks each child two or three times–usually with her hand on top of a diaper. Other than misaligning the child’s spine, it seems to have no effect.
When we speak of consistently rewarding every transgression with a switching (not a karate chop to the lower backbone), this mother can only see herself as further brutalizing children for whom it will do no good. Her discipline is just “laying down a field of fire” to give herself sufficient cover to get through to the next task. She doesn’t hope to conquer their wills, just create enough diversion to accomplish her own mission.
Another mother walks in with her little ones and sits down to talk. She says to them, “Go out in the sun-room to play and don’t bother Mama unless you need something.” For the next two hours we are not even aware the children are present–except when a little one comes in holding herself saying, “Pee-pee, Mama.” They play together well, resolve their own conflicts and don’t expect attention when one turns the rocking horse over and gets a knot on her head. They don’t come in and out–they have been told not to. This mother never spanked her children while at my house. And she never needed to rebuke them. She looks rested. When the children are called to go home, one says, “Mama, can I stay and play with Shoshanna?” Mother answers, “No, not today. We have work to do at home.” As he lifts his arms, the little fellow is picked up. Hugging his mother’s neck, he says, “I love you Mama.”
This young mother said to me, “My children want to please me. They try so hard to do everything I say. We have such fun together.” She is looking forward to more children. They are the joy of her life. But there was a time when this was not the case.
By the grace of God and through the simple, Biblical principles found in these pages, with determination and an open heart this mother has trained up children who bring her joy and honor.
ARRRHGHHGHHGH… Banging head.
This is just the first section, of chapter one.
Respected and Wholly Loved Children 